Guilt, or moving on because I have to

A short post. …. Almost daily I find myself conflicted. Do I wallow in my (ever present)  sadness, or do I overcome, do I succeed nonetheless, do I choose happiness? Society will, and does, tell me to be sad, forlorn, less-than-whole, because I am not a day-to-day parent. But somewhere I read that as much as we love to see our children grow, they love to see us grow. It is my responsibility to let me son, K, see me growing, not just despite adversity, but especially because of adversity. I owe it to him more than to myself, to be happy, to make the most of every day. If it is to be, it is up to me. If he is to see a real human being being happy despite, and because of her circumstances, it is up to me. I might not be able to change what he has been exposed to up to now, I might not be able to change the narrative that is his history…but, I am 100% in control of what I choose every moment from now on. And these are the choices he will see his mother making. So, I choose life, I choose love, I choose light, I choose freedom. I choose to show him a life lived openly, trustingly, lovingly.

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